it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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