New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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