Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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