well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize