in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
