Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
