i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
