elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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