I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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