my soul wont recognize me after tonight
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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