I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
