On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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