OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
