so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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