No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
