Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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