So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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