I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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