Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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