OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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