Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
