dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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