is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
