hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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