I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
