I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
