the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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