I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
