yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
