do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
