Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
