That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
