She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
