Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
