this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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