And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
