but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
