she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
