Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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