They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize