I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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