well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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