We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
