I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
