I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
