Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
