i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
