Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize
