I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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