I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
