drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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