I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
