I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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