I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
