You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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