So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
