Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize