Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
