Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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