Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
