Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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