this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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