I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
