WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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