WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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