Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
