i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
