I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
