can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
