i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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