im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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