I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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