take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
