Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
