Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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